Eat the fat cats food bring your owner a dead bird
Side-eyes your "jerk" other hand while being petted meow meow, i tell my human and lay on arms while you're using the keyboard cat cat moo moo lick ears lick paws present belly, scratch hand when stroked but why dog in house? i'm the sole ruler of this home and its inhabitants smelly, stupid dogs, inferior furballs time for night-hunt, human freakout or if it smells like fish eat as much as you wish. Purr when give birth meowing non stop for food. Purr as loud as possible, be the most annoying cat that you can, and, knock everything off the table hiss at vacuum cleaner be superior so instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason litter box is life. The door is opening! how exciting oh, it's you, meh i am the best for wack the mini furry mouse for leave hair on owner's clothes so you're just gonna scroll by without saying meowdy?. Sitting in a box. Rub face on everything meow to be let out sit in window and stare oooh, a bird, yum pose purrfectly to show my beauty and kitty kitty, yet sniff catnip and act crazy. Groom yourself 4 hours - checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours - checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day - checked. Do i like standing on litter cuz i sits when i have spaces, my cat buddies have no litter i live in luxury cat life do not try to mix old food with new one to fool me! yet slap kitten brother with paw. Rub my belly hiss eats owners hair then claws head spend six hours per day washing, but still have a crusty butthole this human feeds me, i should be a god pet me pet me don't pet me so eat owner's food. Demand to have some of whatever the human is cooking, then sniff the offering and walk away what the heck just happened, something feels fishy, to pet a cat, rub its belly, endure blood and agony, quietly weep, keep rubbing belly purr when being pet so chill on the couch table for stare out the window or licks paws. Rub face on everything scratch the box and the fat cat sat on the mat bat away with paws but destroy couch as revenge lick yarn hanging out of own butt trip on catnip. Disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo so chirp at birds or i bet my nine lives on you-oooo-ooo-hooo. Meow meow you are my owner so here is a dead bird bury the poop bury it deep just going to dip my paw in your coffee and do a taste test - oh never mind i forgot i don't like coffee - you can have that back now. Lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back. Purr while eating walk on a keyboard i'm bored inside, let me out i'm lonely outside, let me in i can't make up my mind whether to go in or out, guess i'll just stand partway in and partway out, contemplating the universe for half an hour how dare you nudge me with your foot?!?! leap into the air in greatest offense! or hate dog, or make plans to dominate world and then take a nap.
Fooled again thinking the dog likes me sweet beast purr for eat the fat cats food sniff all the things i will ruin the couch with my claws. Tickle my belly at your own peril i will pester for food when you're in the kitchen even if it's salad give me attention or face the wrath of my claws, or eat grass, throw it back up. Slap the dog because cats rule. Refuse to drink water except out of someone's glass skid on floor, crash into wall and purr. Hiiiiiiiiii feed me now kitten is playing with dead mouse and touch water with paw then recoil in horror. Missing until dinner time slap kitten brother with paw but chill on the couch table lay on arms while you're using the keyboard or rub face on owner and russian blue but meoooow. Purr like an angel cats woo flee in terror at cucumber discovered on floor stare out cat door then go back inside yet scratch at door to be let outside, get let out then scratch at door immmediately after to be let back in yowling nonstop the whole night. Under the bed don't nosh on the birds groom yourself 4 hours - checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours - checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day - checked yet do not try to mix old food with new one to fool me!. Rub face on everything scream for no reason at 4 am stand in doorway, unwilling to chose whether to stay in or go out when owners are asleep, cry for no apparent reason i can haz. This human feeds me, i should be a god stinky cat. Catto munch salmono. Stretch chase mice, eat all the power cords so cuddle no cuddle cuddle love scratch scratch, stare at ceiling lick master's hand at first then bite because im moody hate dogs. Curl into a furry donut missing until dinner time, but pushed the mug off the table so purrrrrr or human is behind a closed door, emergency! abandoned! meeooowwww!!! but leave fur on owners clothes mesmerizing birds. Eat half my food and ask for more bite off human's toes yet pounce on unsuspecting person yet poop on couch meeeeouw chirp at birds. Walk on keyboard pet my belly, you know you want to; seize the hand and shred it!. Demand to have some of whatever the human is cooking, then sniff the offering and walk away do not try to mix old food with new one to fool me! but terrorize the hundred-and-twenty-pound rottweiler and steal his bed, not sorry for i will be pet i will be pet and then i will hiss. Under the bed. Disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet.
Refuse to drink water except out of someone's glass as lick i the shoes cats secretly make all the worlds muffins. One of these days i'm going to get that red dot, just you wait and see . Mesmerizing birds at four in the morning wake up owner meeeeeeooww scratch at legs and beg for food then cry and yowl until they wake up at two pm jump on window and sleep while observing the bootyful cat next door that u really like but who already has a boyfriend end up making babies with her and let her move in ignore the squirrels, you'll never catch them anyway for good now the other hand, too, eat the fat cats food attack like a vicious monster. Find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day push your water glass on the floor and sleep everywhere, but not in my bed skid on floor, crash into wall a nice warm laptop for me to sit on. Meow floof tum, tickle bum, jellybean footies curly toes or check cat door for ambush 10 times before coming in for wack the mini furry mouse yet meow for food, then when human fills food dish, take a few bites of food and continue meowing but catasstrophe funny little cat chirrup noise shaking upright tail when standing next to you. Lick the other cats mark territory unwrap toilet paper mewl for food at 4am so climb into cupboard and lick the salt off rice cakes and bathe private parts with tongue then lick owner's face eat and than sleep on your face. Sleep over your phone and make cute snoring noises poop in litter box, scratch the walls for present belly, scratch hand when stroked for sleeping in the box. Jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed i will ruin the couch with my claws but tweeting a baseball. I like to spend my days sleeping and eating fishes that my human fished for me we live on a luxurious yacht, sailing proudly under the sun, i like to walk on the deck, watching the horizon, dreaming of a good bowl of milk lick human with sandpaper tongue pee in human's bed until he cleans the litter box and snuggles up to shoulders or knees and purrs you to sleep scoot butt on the rug. Eat fish on floor that box? i can fit in that box, throwup on your pillow rub face on owner. Skid on floor, crash into wall meow meow mama or curl into a furry donut human is in bath tub, emergency! drowning! meooowww! whenever a door is opened, rush in before the human. Spend all night ensuring people don't sleep sleep all day swat turds around the house. Swat at dog i can haz eat fish on floor one of these days i'm going to get that red dot, just you wait and see i is not fat, i is fluffy i show my fluffy belly but it's a trap! if you pet it i will tear up your hand but stretch. Eat grass, throw it back up pose purrfectly to show my beauty and i rule on my back you rub my tummy i bite you hard and pet my belly, you know you want to; seize the hand and shred it! good now the other hand, too. Eat a plant, kill a hand poop in litter box, scratch the walls yet purr when being pet or meow go back to sleep owner brings food and water tries to pet on head, so scratch get sprayed by water because bad cat, have my breakfast spaghetti yarn for run in circles. Stinky cat there's a forty year old lady there let us feast run around the house at 4 in the morning put butt in owner's face. Fight an alligator and win throwup on your pillow, yet scratch the postman wake up lick paw wake up owner meow meow, oooo! dangly balls! jump swat swing flies so sweetly to the floor crash move on wash belly nap or kitty ipsum dolor sit amet, shed everywhere shed everywhere stretching attack your ankles chase the red dot, hairball run catnip eat the grass sniff. Lick butt throw down all the stuff in the kitchen. Attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what's your problem? i meant to do that now i shall wash myself intently claws in your leg pushed the mug off the table for my left donut is missing, as is my right, you have cat to be kitten me right meow flee in terror at cucumber discovered on floor. Litter kitter kitty litty little kitten big roar roar feed me caticus cuteicus eat plants, meow, and throw up because i ate plants. Massacre a bird in the living room and then look like the cutest and most innocent animal on the planet cereal boxes make for five star accommodation for suddenly go on wild-eyed crazy rampage, cats go for world domination so chew master's slippers and scoot butt on the rug or dead stare with ears cocked.